Surprised huh? Yea, I know; surprised me too. And honestly, it wasn’t the score that surprised me more than the strength I had to complete the exam. Ight let’s go back to the first time I started studying. 2020, right after my internship, I decided to get these exams out the way. I was going through the materials, doing what was instructed of me. Fall season of that year, I started my masters program and felt like I was on top of my mountain. Move it? Why when I can keep it to remind me of what had me stagnated? I idolized my success. It was happening. As I was going through my first semester, classes was not bad. October 26th changed it for the winning streak. I still hear my mom’s cry echoing in the hallway, finding its way to my room under my covers where my ears rested. I jumped up ready for the unexpected news of the death of my uncle. I wasn’t close close with him, I knew him and he knew me. I feel like it was the way he died and to see how defeated my mom was hearing the news. When she left, I went back to my reality, my heaven, school work. Ring intervene as I was getting through a financial leveraging problem. When I answered, some dude was informing me about a warrant for my arrest and I didn’t even think scam. I just thought, first my uncle not I am going to jail. I tried my best to be of assistance with that man, telling him it wasn’t me. Kid later asked me for my social and it’s like God held my tongue because I couldn’t roll the numbers out of my mouth. That day really served its purpose in trying to throw me off because boy I tell you, distraught was an understatement. When I got done with the materials and were ok with taking the exam, the funds were not in my favor. Them exams are expensive!! I told my mom about it and she was like just wait. I was already paying for college with my dad helping me and trying to find a job on campus (that job I got was divinity and I’ll one day tell y’all about it). Go and get something to eat; there is more to this and it gets more interesting.
Missed me lol I know, i have that effect on the living. Ok, we are in 2021 (happy new year). Love day is the day to appreciate a love, some love ones, or even love parts. Y’all know what y’all be doing, keep yourself in your world. But if i can interject, picture losing a love one that day. It’s kinda ironic with that being the day of appreciation while my family are depreciated. My grandma left me. She left them. I never got to truly meet her to feel lost and that is what lost me. I lost someone I never gained. I remember not bothered with my grandfather passing and I remember telling myself that i am going to make a change and get to know my grandma. I mourned an opportunity I missed. Life continued to present itself. I attended a church convention and they held a women’s day and my aunt was one of the speakers. I was mesmerized and needed her to dive a little deeper with what she commercialized. I went to her and said “I need to come a see you more” and I remember her smiling. Two weeks later, she died. At this point, I am pissed. This heaven is feeling very earthy and I felt like a was having an allergic reaction because I been crying all year and I didn’t like that at all. I was supposed to be focusing on school and stuff and I was drowning in a pool of sorrow and confusion. But, I was still at peace. I was able to continue classes without struggling on passing. God thoughts were being fruitful in that category of my life (Jeremiah 29:11). Coming into my last semester, I was praying for no more deaths, I didn’t want to know what else I could take. Walking across that stage was a surreal moment. Despite the fact that i could barely walk in those heels, i was floating. Nothing was getting in my way. I made it. I was the first in my family to graduate with a Masters. God is faithful. One thing i can say about God is He always find ways to show me that He is here.
Workplace. I am in my job, full time and excited. Money was coming in and I was able to pay for the exams. I schedule my first exam. March 26, 2022 was suppose to be the day. Was. I got news the week before my exam that a cousin got shot and died and we buried him on that day (March 26, 2022). All I remember that got me was seeing that casket beneath me. This was the first time I was able to experience looking down to him (he was older than me) and I didn’t like it. It hurt. I didn’t know and I still don’t know why I had to experience this during the time I was supposed to be getting myself set for life. I didn’t study. I stopped. Work and the anticipation of who else was stressing me out. I didn’t feel or see God for a while. Coming into 2023, I got the courage to just schedule an exam. I was like this has to end some day. I kid you not, I lost another love one. I said no, I am taking this exam. I went to see my people the day before the funeral/exam. I had my niece that night and I promise you God used her. I went to bed and she told me to pray before I go to sleep. My best friend called me, prayed, and all the emotions from 2020 came back and it was hard. As I took the exam, I just did it. No hesitation or anything. I was going to finish and I did. When i saw my score, I wasn’t even mad and this brings me to my motto hear on out. I am going to keep going. If i have to cry, I got some tissue. I want to make heaven my home one day but I refuse to wait to enjoy something until I die. Wow, that may be the reason why I went through this. Death is the only absolute thing we all will embark upon and when it is assigned to us, there is no more trying. No more failures. No more attempts. While I am here, I will keep taking it and be thankful because I am still able and in my right mind to be able to take the exams and experience whatever else there is to life. I commit suicide hesitating; stagnation gets you somewhere to no where. Time waits for no man, so whether you get on time or off, you better do something because when it runs out, there is no pulse. Keep trying. You will understand. Trust me when I say trust Him and have faith in you. Be blessed beautiful believers.